I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
