im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
