I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
