need another drink. this is the easiest way
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There are leaves in my underwear?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
