"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
