You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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