im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
