I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
