Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
