This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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