Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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