Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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