Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I have peed in a lot of sinks
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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