Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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