i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
