wakey wakey hands off snakey
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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