I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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