just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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