Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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