my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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