So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
