and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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