Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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