I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
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