I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
