ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
