He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
