I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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