You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize