is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
