last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
