I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
