I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
