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If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
PANTIES FOUND
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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