he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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