I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
