i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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