i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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