i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
