Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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