You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
