some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
