Someone shit on the floor
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize