I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
