Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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