i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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