You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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