you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He? As in you personified your dick?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize