im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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