that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
