Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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