Already got asked if we're dating
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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