i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I licked your asshole in confidence.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
