I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
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It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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