Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
