if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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