Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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