1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude i'm inner monologue high
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
