Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
