scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
is wine microwaveable?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
